Life is full of surprises! We unexpectedly closed 2022 in a different way. It was something I bet, every family wouldn’t want to experience. But we did, it was sudden and unexpected.
Let me just give you a background story.
First quarter of 2022, my grandfather “Papa Sano” was with us in Iligan because he cannot stand and cannot walk, he was in so much pain so he was brought to Iligan for a check-up. We also had him get a chiropractor and indeed he was relived and was able to walk by himself again.
Second quarter of 2022, we had to bring him back to Medina, Mis Or because of election and because mom had to do a surgery. She won’t be able to attend to Papa’s need while she’s recovering.
Third quarter of 2022, it was his birthday last September 5, 2022. They had their first grand reunion for the Bajao-Olivar Clan. I wasn’t been able to join them because I’m preparing for a board exam on September 7, 2022.
Fourth quarter of 2022, November 30 after my cousins debut party, we were surprised when mom brought Papa with her back in Iligan City. It was very unexpected and we were surprised. Papa wants to come with her because he’s feeling some pain and wants to get a check-up. To be honest, we were surprised when they arrived with him. We have to cut our plans because we can’t just leave the two of them alone at home. Since it’s already December and events are back, we have to miss some events because of course we have to attend to our Seniors.
One night Papa was complaining that his right side of the stomach is so painful. Suspecting that it’s just stubborn air we wipe some oil on it but was surprised how he clinch in pain. I was scheduled for a chiro session that day so I said, we’ll try chiro again maybe it will stop the pain. But after a chiro session, he was still complaining with pain until we get home. We asked mom to schedule a check-up with his doctor to see what is wrong with him.
After almost a week, I returned home from work and was asked to drive them to the doctors clinic for check up. I didn’t know it will also be the day that I’ll see Papa in good condition. The moment they reach the doctor for check up, the doctor advised us for admission. I drove them to the hospital for admission. And I hate scenes like this. We were in the hospital were dad was last admitted. Ever since Dad’s passing, I hate hospitals, which I used to like visiting.
Tests were ran and the day after, his true condition was explained briefly by the specialist. The same specialist that was taking care of Dad. He was honest enough about the possible progressions of papa’s condition. Mom’s siblings were already called to make decisions ahead for them to prepare for the worst. After few days in the hospital they decide to just go home for home palliative care. So I drive them home from the hospital and we went home.
And that was the last time I drove Papa home. A day after, while we were buying things to make him comfortable at home, Papa went unresponsive. We received a destress call from home because he was no longer responding. we had to call 911 to rush him to the hospital because we can’t carry him by ourselves. He survived that scary call but it was very challenging for us to look for a hospital that will accept him in his condition. We went to 3 hospitals (just like what happened to dad) before we were able to get a room in a private hospital. We got lucky that time, because there was a patient who was transferred to the ICU that’s why we got a private room for Papa. He was really recovering and was looking okay until that one night. One last night that he started having a problem breathing. We were asked to sign a waiver for intubation. Papa died December 18, 2022.
I didn’t expect 2022 would end like this. I celebrated Christmas alone, because the whole family is in Medina. I’m suppose to follow them but weather did not permit. I was suppose to be in his funeral, but I couldn’t because weather did not permit. There is so much pain and guilt within me. That’s why I’m letting this out now. I didn’t see papa in his last days. I wasn’t with Papa even in his last vigil. I love Papa, and yes I love him so much. At home he will always look for me. Am I that bad not being present in his wake?
This question may hunt me forever. I’m sorry Pa.